I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
