the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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