Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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