somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
