You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
