Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
