my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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