I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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