It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
