I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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