A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
