I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
