I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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