The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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