I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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