Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
