Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems