Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever