I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE