Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.