A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again