Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.