tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there