It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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