I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
