so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
