Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
