3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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