I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
too bad you live with your parents still
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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