She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize