hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
