Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
