i wish my penis had a tongue
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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