I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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