i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
