guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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