I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
