If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
