He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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