i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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