I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize