just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
