How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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