how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
