Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
