i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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