awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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