And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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