just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
