I cannot find my penis.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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