Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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