I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
