sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
