6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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