He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
