omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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