you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
