So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
