We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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