Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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