; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
