I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
