I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
