I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
