I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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