Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
