If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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