im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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